Friday, June 3, 2011

Are You There God? It's Me, Angela.

Well, I decided not to renew my contract at my current school. I think I'm done teaching (I think). I've been praying. Yes, I must be desperate for some heavenly guidance because I've been praying to God for a sign. A sign for what? I'm not sure. Should I stay or should I leave this profession?

I think all of this is due to an existential crisis that I'm having about the meaning of life. Why am I here? Why are these students in my life? Why do I feel like I'm abandoning them? What does it all mean? I don't have the answers to these questions, but I am waiting for a little direction.

Am I missing all the signs? I think being depressed about my job and what I do is a big enough sign that I need to quit. But I hate to think that I'm quitting on the kids. They are the ones that I truly care about. I wish I just didn't have to teach them. I wish I could support them in other ways.

And so, here it is, a week from school ending and I feel like I'm ending another chapter in my life. But who knows what's in store for me? I might end up like a Godfather quote: "Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in. " We'll see...

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